Did you hear about the double bass player who played so far out of tune that the singer noticed???

How many double bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 

None, the piano player can do that with his left hand.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?

Give him some sheet music

Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

What is the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond? Eventually the bond will mature and earn money.
 

 They say most guys only have one girl...but a guitar player always has his pick

 What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless!

In the 22nd century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a light source?

Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?

The knock always slows down